Guitar

I'll use the strings for shoelace
I can play golf with the neck
I can keep things in the body
Like playing cards from a deck

I can break it into pieces
And then glue it back together
I can leave it outdoors
And it'll dampen from the weather

I can put it through a vampire's heart
And turn him into dust
I can leave it in a basement
To make it smell of must

I can paint it purple
I can hang it on a wall
I can lie and say it whistles
And I hope it does not fall

And of course, I do suppose
If you agree to pay
I could hire a tutor
And finally learn to play